After years and years of suppression, I think someone needs to say it. Yes, Facebook has become boring. Don’t agree? Tell me if none of these relate to a memory you’ve had.
1. A home to the planet’s narcissist
Your visit to Facebook leaves you with a discovery of your entire wall having been desecrated with people and their self-obsession. Pictures that pronounce side profiles and deep pictures of the person looking into the distance. So profound. So intense. Not really. Boring.
One day, I received a notification. It simply said, “Your XYZ friend wants you to play Candy Crush Saga”. My place of solace was now haunted by brightly lit candies begging to be crushed. Thank you Facebook.
3. My lack of interest for posts from the loo
I could throw a virtual rock blindfolded & still find a post that says: “Feeling Content – Eating Pizza on the pot!” or “Feeling strong – Drinking water after gymming!” or even “Feeling Tired – Need to sleep!” There’s a very dark corner in the afterlife reserved if you have ever encouraged such a post.
4. Enter the Duckface
The theory of evolution now has a very strong contender. Research & countless hours spent on Facebook indicate that women may have evolved from ducks! A little difficult to believe but here’s 1 specimen was contained & kept in captivity during this research:
(Disclaimer: No ducks were harmed while ‘shooting’ this picture)
5. What people, friends, family & I actually think I do on
Like every good idea, this was over done. The idea of stopping oneself from overdoing an idea is a rarity in our species. Facebook, you are the true example of this. Yet again, you have managed to bore me.
There is a certain type of person (Mind you, everyone has at least ONE of these friends on Facebook) who feels compelled to inspire the population with their messages of inspiration. You know, a lot of you may think I made this up, but to prove I didn’t, here it is: (Yes, I knew exactly which friend’s account to go)
7. Death to the English Language
Friend 1: “Hi hru”.
Friend 2: “I’m f9”
Our species has evolved so far that we now no longer need words to get our message across. Confusing perhaps even to extraterrestrials, we have successfully managed to massacre the English language.
8. Facebook: Couples Posting Videos of their ‘Cute’ Kids
“Hey honey, let’s post a ‘cute’ video of our child on the internet so that everyone can call him adorable!” This is also called: SPAM! No one other than the ‘other’ couples on Facebook really care. Even then it becomes a competition between the couples for the cutest kid videos and pictures with the most likes. Shoot me now.
9. Stalking Is No Longer An Art
Gone are the days when a stalker needed to follow his/her victim down. Today we have Facebook. Making the life of every stalker simple, efficient and rewarding!
Is there a new movie out? I suggest you go for the first day and first show. Or else, you’re going to have to deal with spoilers from the cretins who watched it first. They find some deep pleasure in doing this.
The next time you come across one of these people on Facebook…
I’m just going to leave this number here for your imagination: